


Meraki

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan is in love, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Tree Bros, letter to himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 10:50:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11416371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Dear Evan Hansen,You're in love with your best friend. Good fucking job."





	1. Only

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_You're in love with your best friend. Good fucking job._

_You've never been in love like this before. Sure you had a silly crush on Zoe last year, but with Connor, it's so much different. When you liked Zoe, you didn't **know** her._

_You know Connor._

_You know how he orders his coffee black to seem grown up but he likes it with sugar._

_You know he likes to draw flowers and animals and people he loves._

_You know he doesn't self harm anymore because you drew a tree over his scars and he keeps redrawing it so he doesn't hurt the tree._

_You know he likes to put his hair in a bun when no ones around because it's comfy._

_You know he buys his jeans from the womens section._

_You know he gets dusts of freckles when it gets to spring and summer time.  
_

_You know his eyes are blue but have green in them when he lays in the sunlight._

_You know it takes him fifteen minutes to style and be happy with his hair in the morning._

_You know he gets angry because in his mind everyone's out to get him._

_You know he wants his mom to be happy so badly._

_You know his favorite class is English._

_You know he watches cartoons when no ones home._

_You know his favorite candy is kit-kats._

_You know his favorite holiday is Halloween because the kids are happy._

_You know that he doesn't want anyone to notice, but he smiles when his family is happy._

_And you know that you're in love with him._

_Truly madly and deeply._

_And you don't know how you're gonna deal with it, but you're going to._

_Because_

_You're gonna give him this letter._

_So I guess I should start writing this to you **Connor.**_

_Connor, I love you.  
_

_A lot._

_And I'm struggling, because I've never been in love before._

_And it feels weird and being around you makes me happy;_

_The happiest I've ever felt._

_I get those cliche butterflies around you_

_And I know you hate cliches but I hate that this wasn't just a crush._

_I'm head over heals in love for you._

_I love your smile, because it's a rare occurrence but it's a goldmine._

_I love your eyes, your beautiful gelid eyes._

_I love your hair, I'd do anything to run my hands through it._

_I love your humor, your weird and dark jokes._

_I love your kindness that you hide, it's amazing._

_I fucking love your laugh, it's infectious and beautiful._

_I love **you.**_

_I don't know how to cope with this, It's so hard!_

_It's so hard to be around you without thinking about how much I wanna Kiss you!_

_There are voices in my head_

_Telling me I have to sell you on reasons to want me._

_I could give you a thousand reasons to not let me go,_

_But would it work?_

_All I want is for it to be just us,_

_I want to buy you things and hold your hand_

_I want to be able to lay with you and.._

_I want to make you happy._

_So I'm sitting here writing this to you, clinging to a slight change that the feelings aren't fully unrequited._

_I want you to like **me** for **me.** _

_That's all I've ever wanted._

_I want to just, be with you._

_This is something I thought I could never say to you.._

_But I am._

_And It's not gonna go well_

_But_

_I just want to have you,_

_And that's all._

_So, Dear Connor Murphy,_

_I Love You,_

_Sincerely, Me_

 

 


	2. Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

Dear Evan Hansen,

I love you.

Sincerely, Me (Connor)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment


End file.
